Love

It was a peaceful, warm evening in Azeroth, a few friends sitting around a campfire enjoying some drinks and good stories. I vaguely remember who I was there with; I remember one of them quite well. He used to play a dwarf character and was a close friend of Ibelin. A good thing about virtual beer is that you don’t get drunk, you just pretend you do. It must sound absurd, but a fun challenge for an actor or role-player. Anyhow, while we were sitting there a dark haired, mysterious beauty comes out from the woods and joins us by the fire. I’m not sure how it happened but she started teasing and flirting with my character, and I liked it. In real life I was 17 at the time, no idea how to even approach a girl, being handicapped does things to your confidence.

 In this other world a girl wouldn’t see a wheelchair or anything different. They would get my soul, heart and mind, conveniently placed in a handsome, strong body, luckily pretty much every character in this virtual world look great. Many might find this silly, but at least looks don’t matter much anymore, it’s all about personality. So, the attractive girl kept confusing me as I wasn’t used to being flirted with like that. There was something very exciting about her, her humor, the way she acted, how she would express herself. I was sold. Suddenly she kissed my cheek and vanished into the woods. It was just a virtual kiss, but boy I could almost feel it. My character just sat there, clueless of what to do next.

 My dwarf friend told me to go after her, she was clearly into me. Wait? No, no, not me right? Eventually Ibelin got up and with uncertainty he followed the mysterious woman into the woods. That’s how it began, they quickly became a couple and it was the closest thing I’ve ever been to a crush in my entire life. We exchanged mails and started communicating outside the game as well. We stayed in touch for a few years, through our late teens. She did have a boyfriend and she did live in another country, so part of me knew nothing more would ever happen. I never told her about my feelings and we remained good friends, until we lost contact sadly. I still think of her, weird how it is with your first crush. I remember thinking, if only… If only I wasn’t handicapped! It was always my excuse.

 

Love has always been a tricky subject for me; it feels like it’s just not meant for me. I watch my family grow, old friends finding love, some get married and I’m still where I always was. I try my best not to think about it, but you know how it is sometimes. Of course, I’m very happy for my friends and family, it’s not that. I just sometimes wonder how it would be. In World of Warcraft I’ve flirted and been with several women, but it can never be the same. Online I can at least do all the things I want, hold her, and kiss her without having to plan everything. Wheelchairs and all that tend to make things difficult.

 They say I could be a father, in theory that’s possible, but then again, what would the point be? These dark thoughts just try to drag me down, making excuses. I could father a soccer team and have them carry me around. It’s a funny image. I doubt that will ever happen, but if I should ever fall in love and she really wanted to, who knows? One shouldn’t close doors too soon; you never know who might come in. I went to my cousin’s wedding (mother’s side) a few months ago, it was amazing. They had picked a lovely spot for the dinner and party. Only thing I didn’t like is that I had to dress up! I hate suits, vest, that stiff white shirt… But sometimes sacrifices must be made! I wonder if there are white, soft t-shirts I could use instead… It was nice seeing two families get together and celebrate a loving couple’s big day. There were some nice speeches, always been a fan of those, call me sentimental. As the evening progressed it was finally time to hit the dance floor, music pumping, making me want to show off some of my moves.

 How do you dance in a wheelchair? It’s not too hard, just work that joystick. Turn, turn, right, right, left, left, spin, forward, forward, backward, stop, spin. You get the idea, it is actually quite fun! The others at the party thought it was pretty great at least. One of my uncles, on my father’s side who wasn’t a part of this wedding, had agreed to drive me and my assistant home from the party. It was half past eleven and after saying our goodbyes we drove off into the night. Everything was going great, until my breathing machine started beeping loudly.

I’ve always hated that noise! It was telling us it needed to be recharged, as fast as possible. We were in the middle of nowhere, so we had to find a gas station before the machine would shut down. I freaked out a bit, but luckily we found a gas station, rushed in and plugged me in between the hotdog and the bagel stand. So, spent 30 minutes or so at a gas station, nice to see what they do in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t want their job, but at least they didn’t mind me recharging my batteries. It’s funny, with me that’s not just a figure of speech, I actually do have to recharge my batteries, literally.

 To get back on topic here: I have no idea what the future might bring, but hoping for the best. I’m happy for my sister today; she’s been with her boyfriend for a year now. I love her and my family to bits, and perhaps that is enough too? There are many kinds of love after all. Hopefully there will be more weddings in the future; I need to hit that dance floor again!